Most people can remember three things. If you always prepare three conversation topics in advance, you’ll likely avoid being at a loss for words.

Before you go to an event - especially a professional or networking opportunity or any occasion where small talk is part of the menu - prepare three different topics to start a conversation. Even if you don’t use them, just knowing you have them will make you feel more confident. This comes in really handy if you tend to have difficulty starting conversations. So, here are some tips.

1.       Select your topics from a variety of categories: Think about being REAL (Customize for each event)

a.       Reading –on-line, newspapers, books, magazine articles, professional journals. Look for current insights, challenges, trends and topics of interest to you and others.

b.       Entertainment- television/movies/theaters/museums/restaurants.

c.       Activities – local/national events which you either have attended or are considering.

d.       Locale – where you both are right now and what surrounds it nearby.

2.       Set-up a foundation (not disclosing anything which would put the other person ill at ease, i.e. do not disclose too much!) before you introduce a topic. Be helpful –provide context. Ask open-ended questions, invite a conversation.

·         (Reading) “I was reading about this ___ “(relate it to something you are both then sharing.) “Turns out ___. What do you think?” At professional events, research the speaker(s), their company, competition and current issues in their industry!

·         (Entertainment/Activities) “I just saw/went to ___ at ___. It was really remarkable. Did you get a chance to see/go to it?”... “What was the last___ you saw?”

·         (Locale)”This place has really changed since I was here ___ ago. I always love coming to the___, what do you think about it?”… “Have you been to the ____shop around the corner? It’s great for ___.” (By acting like a host you will be seen as a helpful resource.)

3.       Always stay positive. Your comments should be pleasant and upbeat.

4.       An exception to the three topics is during the “walk and small talk”- on the way to the more formal interview- keep the conversation limited to observational/complimentary topics:

“Thanks for the opportunity to meet today/great directions/traffic was easy today getting here.”

 “What a great building/ nice reception area/receptionist.” And if you get to their office look around and compliment something specific. Always stay “in the moment.”

5.       With strangers, AVOD topics relating to politics, religion, controversial world issues, sex or sexual orientation. The concept is to encourage conversation not disputation. Do not lob a conversational bomb and wait to see it explode. Keep it light and breezy and you will have good conversation coming back at you!

BTW, I still do this for each and every event. Preparation can become a habit!

Top 10 Interview Mistakes

1.    Do not miss the interview timeslot. This means you: misremembered the time or place of the interview; arrived late; or more than 5-10 minutes early, if it is at their office. If you arrive at their office too early they may feel rushed and pressured to go out and meet with you. We know it is merely your exuberance; but they may not realize it. Never mention how early you got there. If you were waiting, put a positive spin on it.

2.    Do not forget your manners. Call them Mr/Ms/Dr until they invite you, if they do, to call them by their first name. Don't interrupt them when they are speaking. If you meet at a coffee shop or share a meal, do not leave a mess of napkins, cups, or fail to pick up after yourself, it does not leave a good impression. Same thing with parking folks and receptionists, they might be someone's family member just starting out.

3.    Do not wear clothes that you have not road-tested for appropriateness, fit, marks or stains, price tags or other removable labels. Less is more on jewelry. Nothing you wear should detract from your presentation.

4.    Do not fail to shower and DO NOT WEAR ANY FRAGRANCE WHATSOEVER! If your face or palms of your hands sweat, carry a handkerchief. A tissue can disintegrate and leave dots.

5.    Do not fail to smile. A warm, welcoming smile will cover a multitude of uncomfortable moments and is the surest way of establishing and maintaining rapport and a positive attitude! The halo effect is real. If they like you, they will gladly become your advocate! YOU are the solution to their problem!

6.    Do not fail to look them in the eye or shake their hand. Eye contact is an easy way to establish rapport and show confidence! If you avoid eye contact, they may feel that you have to hide and/or do not believe what you are saying and/or are not interested in making a connection. Shake their hand when you meet them and again when you leave. As the only socially-permitted touching handshakes are important. Make it firm, confident and make it count.

7.    Do not fail to listen and do not mumble or speak too softly. Actively LISTEN  to THEM and make sure that you are speaking from your diaphragm. S-L-A-N-T. Sit up, lean forward from the waist, pay attention, nod your head and track speech speed with your own. Mumbling or speaking softly does not convey confidence and, worse yet, someone has to ask you to repeat, calling even more attention to what you were previously, tentatively, saying about the topic.

8.    Do not joke or be overly familiar with the interviewer. It only goes one way on this. If they choose to make a joke, be sure you laugh. Obviously you would not tell a "knock knock," memorized joke. But even situational humorous comments are too risky because you really do not know how they will react. They should not be overly familiar, but if the interviewer asks an inappropriate question, respond as if the question were reframed to not be overly intrusive.

9.    Do not be arrogant. Yes, you may be smarter the interviewer. Maybe they could not get into their school/company today with the intense competition for each slot. Just make sure they don't know that you think that! You can express yourself confidently by saying you work hard, are very fortunate or other people talk about your great quality.

10.    Do not fail to be enthusiastic! You are enthused about the opportunity and this is the time to be excited and hopeful. If not now, when?

Be authentically yourself. Establish rapport. Open doors by winning with words. Making Conversation can assist you to develop responses which are thought out ahead of time, not the "automatic” or “right" response, but your personal best answer. If you communicate effectively with confidence and ease, your answers will persuade the interviewer to become your advocate.

Prepare thoroughly and respect the interviewer and the interview process. Always be OTHER-Oriented! 

Peggy Wallace's Making Conversation can assist you in showing your best self to the interviewer, so they become your advocate for admission. Contact her at peggy@makingconversation.com or (760) 803-2641.

Should you forgo an interview/meeting, if you are not confident about your interviewing skills?

A client of mine told me that an admissions representative at a highly competitive school on the East Coast had said to a group of students touring the campus, "If you present better on paper, forgo the interview. It can hurt you, if you do not do well." I found that particularly odd as most schools promote that they are doing holistic admissions, looking at the whole person. They are assembling a class of people; not papers.

The same thing applies in a job/internship interview or taking the initiative to create a face-to-face meeting opportunity, through networking or informational interviews. Even if you don't feel totally comfortable doing an interview, do you forgo the opportunity to express your interest in the school/job/internship? If you are fearful of new situations, you may talk yourself into a higher level of discomfort, blown out of proportion, which may well stop you from taking the risk.

As an alumni interviewer for over 25 years, I found that even in evaluative college-level interviews, it is exceedingly rare for you to hurt your chances by seizing the opportunity to do an interview. If you are not prepared, it may not be as good as it could be; but, the only way it could diminish/neutralize my write-up was to:

1. Decline to interview or fail to take the initiative to create the opportunity. Not a negative; but not a positive. 
2. Set-up the interview and then (a) not show up, (b) offer no explanation whatsoever, and (c) not reschedule. Yes, I let teens reschedule even if they did not contact me until well after the time we were to meet. But, make no mistake, this will burn your bridges on the job/internship front and can with certain college interviewers; and/or
3. Be rude to me and/or clearly show prejudice or gross indifference to the dignity of others. By this I do not mean saying the wrong/stupid/inept/non-sequitur thing. This happens due to nerves, exhaustion, etc. I am also not talking about social gaffes, e.g. during the trailer for the new TV show Emily Owens, M.D., Emily ruminates about her inability to stop herself from saying something stupid. In response to someone saying they are from Wisconsin, you hear her admonishing herself to not mention cheese. The she blurts out. "I really like cheese." 

So what do you do if you have no time to prepare, feel overwhelmed, nervous and totally unprepared? Admit it. Right at the start, as you sit down and haltingly answer the first question. Admit you: (a) are nervous, feel overwhelmed because you really want so much to go to their school/have the internship/job opportunity (A WINNER- everyone wants to think their opportunity is so outstanding as to possibly strike fear in an applicant); (b) never interviewed before (make sure your resume doesn't negate that assertion or clarify that you got every other job/internship through a family friend/being asked to take it); and/or (c) are absolutely exhausted and cannot think or speak properly. Who hasn't stumbled over words or gotten too little sleep?

By admitting a weakness you bring them to your side; no one is perfect and we all have had to overcome hurdles in our life. Letting them help you to help yourself shows that you are open to improvement. Your blossoming will make them feel better about themselves. Most people like to help others and they will consider it a personal achievement that they were able to make you feel more comfortable.

Just don't say that you "really don't like people." I think that sentiment is what really was expressed by that admissions officer who would rather not meet you unless you present in person as well or better than you present on paper. The mark of a good conversationalist/interviewer is that s/he makes the effort to have the other person comfortable. A little bit of fear/nervousness is perfectly reasonable - the stakes are high. Of course, if you can delay and not harm your chances while you prepare for your interview, either on your own or with professional help, so much the better. To cite the Nike slogan, take the risk, "just do it," I think you'll be happy with the result. At least you will know you tried your best!

Be authentically yourself. Establish rapport. Open doors by winning with words. Making Conversation can assist you to develop responses which are thought out ahead of time, not the "automatic” or “right" response, but your personal best answer. If you communicate effectively with confidence and ease, your answers will persuade the interviewer to become your advocate with the school. Making Conversation can assist you in showing your best self to the interviewer, so they become your advocate for admission.

Contact her at peggy@makingconversation.com or (760) 803-2641.

The Phone Interview: 7 Tips to Present Your Best Self.

Is a phone interview the same as one in person or by webcam (using Skype, G-talk, etc.)? In many respects, yes.
Be prepared. That means setting up the call (preferably by e-mail) so you can both be at your best. If they call unexpectedly and the time is inconvenient, or you cannot devote yourself fully, completely and uninterruptedly to the call, ask to reschedule. You want to be able to shine, showing your accomplishments and skills and why you are a great fit for their opportunity. Be other-oriented, knowing about their company and this opportunity. Use good manners. The phone interview has some unique challenges. Here are 7 tips to make your voice come alive enabling you to promote your best self on the phone.

1. S-M-I-L-E! Smile before you pick up the phone. Your voice will reflect the smile and sound positive and upbeat.
2. Dress up! Wear what you would plan to wear to an interview, including polished shoes! If you are super comfy in your pajamas, that is lovely, but you won't be wearing them to work. To the extent you can recreate the interview environment, you will be better able to act as if you were in a face-to-face interview.
3. Shorten your Responses. Try for 20 seconds to 30 seconds - no longer unless it truly is your best imagery-laden story. We all unconsciously wait for a signal (visual or verbal) to acknowledge the relevance of the response. Because you cannot see them, you might tend to over-talk. They do want to not interrupt you. Follow a pattern: (1) state your point; (2) back it up with illustrative details, being quantifiably specific, e.g., increases/savings by dollar amount or percentages, time deadlines met or accelerated, and/ or increased employee productivity; and (3) summarize! Consider getting a noiseless timer which can assist you in making your responses crisper. When the sand hits the bottom, it's time to "wrap it up."
4. Pause for the technology to catch up. There are the inevitable technology delays. If there is a pause, give them a moment more than you would if you were face-to-face, then ask a question of them which follows up on your response, e.g., "would that be pertinent /relevant to this position?" Also, wait an extra second after they finish talking, so you don't inadvertently interrupt them. If you speak quickly, slow it down just a bit; synchronize with their pace.
5. Use a mirror. Many of us derive energy from an audience. We miss that in a phone interview; so energize yourself.
6. Organize your supporting documentation using manila folder(s). Even if they cannot see you, they can hear you. Reduce the sound of papers rustling by putting each page taped to a side of a folder. Try to have no more than 2 pages of information. Your resume would be on one side and your story prompts on the other. Summarize, highlight, use outlines and make sure you know where everything is. A person can tell when you are reading so DO NOT USE FULL SENTENCES. Know your talking points. Use trigger words - so you know the stories that demonstrate each skill, e.g., for Strengths Teamwork: Constellation project at (prior job or school activity)
Leadership: Organizing Fun Run for ___________(volunteer activity)
Perseverance: Doctoral Dissertation (educational degree) or _____ project at (another prior job)
If you have to have more than two pages affix them to clearly marked manila folders.
7. Stand up/sit up straight. When you speak from your diaphragm you appear more confident. Your voice sounds fuller and likely, if you are a woman, brings it down a bit in pitch and makes your message more easily understood.

What to Wear? What to Wear? What to Wear to an Interview.

Whatever you wear, it should be a neutral, quiet, tasteful frame for the most important part of the picture of you want them remember - your content, enthusiasm for the opportunity, memorable strengths stories and winning personality.

Be time and place appropriate. When in doubt - be conservative and dress up - up to promotion you will earn, when hired, or the profession once you have graduated. Have them see you as a great representative of the institution. Show them the respect they have earned. Don't let anything that you wear, creating your overall visual first impression, detract from the substance you have worked so hard to clearly present to them. Remember, any networking event or "informational" interview counts, so be sure to "dress up" appropriately for these opportunities.

For Adults or graduate school interviews: wear a suit (dark navy/dark grey/black). For men, collared dress shirt and nice tie. For women, pantsuits work in most industries, wear a collared shirt or a suit blouse. You can always check out what people wear if you visit their parking lot at a time when there is foot traffic.

For College Interviews: If at a downtown law firm at 5:00 pm, be a bit more professional. If right after school, at a Starbucks or local coffee shop, wear something nice, but something you could have worn to school. Wear what your conservative grandparents would like, if they were taking the family out to a nice meal or during a formal Thanksgiving.
Boys: Wear a collared long sleeve dress shirt and nice pants. A tie is optional; only wear one if you feel comfortable doing do. A polo shirt and khakis also work well, but bring a sweater or jacket to finish off your look.
Girls: Wear a nice top and pants or skirt. Carry a sweater or jacket, to finish off your look.

Shoes: Dress shoes work best (unless it takes place at an outdoor or recreational environment). Make sure that you have already broken in the shoes as you might be doing a lot of walking and want to be able to walk, not hobble. Shoes should cover your toes and heels not be too high. Boots with low heels work so long as they are discrete. Be sure to make sure that whatever you wear they are polished, front and back!

Jewelry: Think tasteful, small or none at all, do not wear anything that dangles from the ears. Avoid anything that makes noise. Consider wearing a watch. If you have body piercings or body art, consider hiding the art and removing jewelry from the non-ear piercings. Females, wear one earring per ear. Males, if you wear earrings, consider removing them.

Fragrances and Cologne: Don't put them on or spray them in the air and walk through them. Many people have fragrance sensitivities. Less is more when it comes to jewelry and fragrances.

Hair: Get a haircut a few days before the interview. Make sure that they can see your eyes. Anyone can use hair product. Females have more options and can also use combs or barrettes. If anything moves our eyes are attracted to it. If you pin/pull back your hair; you won't play with it! But, use caution wearing your hair in a tight bun, if you aren't a dancer.

This advice does not apply as much if you are applying to an art, fashion, performing arts school or workplace where style or individualism is an essential part of the entrance/job requirements. Show something of yourself, in an accessory perhaps, just don't overdo it. You don't want them staring at your outfit, distracting them from what you saying.

Above all, road-test anything you wear. Can you sit down? Is anything a bit tight, wrinkled, not supposed to be there, e.g. price tag! Women, bend forward from the waist and look at yourself in a mirror, from the front and then the back. Make sure nothing inappropriate shows on top or bottom. You want to make the interviewer feel comfortable and respected. Let your message be shown in your well-considered stories and talking points, not in any possible negatives arising from the visual or olfactory first impression!

Three weaknesses! But I only prepared one!

Don't you hate it when they ask for more than you prepared in an interview? Being a big believer in being prepared and generally over-preparing myself, they can still throw you a curve. The growing trend seems to be not just one, but three weaknesses!

• Three Weaknesses. Nope. I'm perfect. This is not a winning strategy.
• Three Weaknesses. How do I select among the many. I don't know how I made it this far. Again, not a winning strategy.
• My weaknesses are: I am a bit too smart; I work too hard-devote myself too much to my work. Again, not a winning strategy as these are just boasts - pandering to the interviewer.

Pick something as a weakness that:
• is true (raised in prior performance reviews, told to you by others or you have observed in yourself) and
• is something that you could work on. Being aware of our weaknesses is the first step in conquering them.

Make sure it is not an essential attribute or skill required by the position. If you want to be a medical doctor, don't say you can never understand how people can study anatomy. It makes no sense to you with all those Latin words. Why be so precise about parts of the body?

What are some common weaknesses, which nearly everyone has experienced from time to time (of course, use your own)- these answers show that you are making progress/trying to change.
• Difficulty: Establishing Priorities (AND communicating with others) when I am under stress .
I take action to understand the various components of the task at hand, how they fit into the larger picture and I get input from others (co-workers and boss) to set priorities. Organizing myself and letting other people know if they are affected by my priorities really helps. I've realized that keeping others informed is ALWAYS appreciated. I now find that others assist me more frequently when I ask them because they have a clearer picture of the task and its impact on the team and our larger purpose.
• Difficulty: Procrastinating.
I now organize the tasks clearly and make a timetable. I stick to that timetable -even putting in false (early) deadlines. I keep in mind that my delaying can impact others as well as the quality of my project. I view others as "teammates" and don't want to let them down by making their lives miserable because I put something off.

By asking the weakness question, the interviewer is looking for maturity, self-evaluation and understanding that you have an impact on others. They want to hear that you take action and work to address/correct your weakness. They are not seeking perfection. We all are works-in-progress. The interviewer just wants to know what you consider your own weaknesses - so he/she can plan for it. Your weaknesses might even complement their own, creating synergistic results. ALWAYS have a clear plan for working on improving your weaknesses. So think about it ahead of time and be that much better prepared to show your best self to the interviewer.

An interview is a command performance. Make your responses come alive each time!

As the world is besotted by the recent Royal Wedding of William and Kate, consider any interview process as your own command performance to highlight your best attributes - customized specifically for them - and discuss any of your "gaps."

Your selection for the next step, the interview, is terrific news. They think that you have the skills and experience on paper and want to find out whether you will be a "fit" for them?

1. Be committed to the moment. You are there - now! Be totally present and focused on THEM, not yourself. Many people get so caught up in planning to get in what they want to say that they miss the connection of being actively present with the person with whom they are interviewing. This goes both ways, of course. You can be committed to being "in the moment" and you can influence their concentration by being persuasive.
2. Listen actively to make sure you understand what they say - or don't say. They will give you clues from which you can try to understand the question behind the question. What is their true business-related concern? Do not just listen waiting to break in and interject what you want to say. Hear them out completely. Is there a subtle nuance, new direction or emphasis?
3. Know, don't memorize. Being effective in an interview is like being on stage. The beauty and excitement of a live performance is that it is NEW EVERY TIME. A good actor keeps the performance fresh, as if they had never done it before and they are there, performing for this audience alone. The actor feeds off the energy in the room, from the other players and the audience itself. If you are speaking from rote memory it comes across as passive, rehearsed and uninterested, as if you have switched to autopilot. Many people go to films in movie theaters because they think the audience reaction enhances their enjoyment; however, the film never changes. It is exactly the same every time. As you may be asked the same questions by a variety of people during the interview process, your response needs to be as lively and committed the third time as it was the first. You can do that by realizing each time is a new LIVE performance.

By the way, sometimes the interviewer may not be as involved in the interview as you are. It will be hard to be persuasive when they are just perhaps "going through the motions." Realize that the interviewer may:
• not like to interview (judge people or even be a people - person),
• not know how to interview (fairly likely, unless the group for which they interview has a structured process) or
• have other, more pressing, things on their mind, related to work or their personal life or health.
Stay actively "in the moment" and you will have an easier time showing your best self to the interviewer as you step on stage during your command performance.