Should you forgo an interview/meeting, if you are not confident about your interviewing skills?

A client of mine told me that an admissions representative at a highly competitive school on the East Coast had said to a group of students touring the campus, "If you present better on paper, forgo the interview. It can hurt you, if you do not do well." I found that particularly odd as most schools promote that they are doing holistic admissions, looking at the whole person. They are assembling a class of people; not papers.

The same thing applies in a job/internship interview or taking the initiative to create a face-to-face meeting opportunity, through networking or informational interviews. Even if you don't feel totally comfortable doing an interview, do you forgo the opportunity to express your interest in the school/job/internship? If you are fearful of new situations, you may talk yourself into a higher level of discomfort, blown out of proportion, which may well stop you from taking the risk.

As an alumni interviewer for over 25 years, I found that even in evaluative college-level interviews, it is exceedingly rare for you to hurt your chances by seizing the opportunity to do an interview. If you are not prepared, it may not be as good as it could be; but, the only way it could diminish/neutralize my write-up was to:

1. Decline to interview or fail to take the initiative to create the opportunity. Not a negative; but not a positive. 
2. Set-up the interview and then (a) not show up, (b) offer no explanation whatsoever, and (c) not reschedule. Yes, I let teens reschedule even if they did not contact me until well after the time we were to meet. But, make no mistake, this will burn your bridges on the job/internship front and can with certain college interviewers; and/or
3. Be rude to me and/or clearly show prejudice or gross indifference to the dignity of others. By this I do not mean saying the wrong/stupid/inept/non-sequitur thing. This happens due to nerves, exhaustion, etc. I am also not talking about social gaffes, e.g. during the trailer for the new TV show Emily Owens, M.D., Emily ruminates about her inability to stop herself from saying something stupid. In response to someone saying they are from Wisconsin, you hear her admonishing herself to not mention cheese. The she blurts out. "I really like cheese." 

So what do you do if you have no time to prepare, feel overwhelmed, nervous and totally unprepared? Admit it. Right at the start, as you sit down and haltingly answer the first question. Admit you: (a) are nervous, feel overwhelmed because you really want so much to go to their school/have the internship/job opportunity (A WINNER- everyone wants to think their opportunity is so outstanding as to possibly strike fear in an applicant); (b) never interviewed before (make sure your resume doesn't negate that assertion or clarify that you got every other job/internship through a family friend/being asked to take it); and/or (c) are absolutely exhausted and cannot think or speak properly. Who hasn't stumbled over words or gotten too little sleep?

By admitting a weakness you bring them to your side; no one is perfect and we all have had to overcome hurdles in our life. Letting them help you to help yourself shows that you are open to improvement. Your blossoming will make them feel better about themselves. Most people like to help others and they will consider it a personal achievement that they were able to make you feel more comfortable.

Just don't say that you "really don't like people." I think that sentiment is what really was expressed by that admissions officer who would rather not meet you unless you present in person as well or better than you present on paper. The mark of a good conversationalist/interviewer is that s/he makes the effort to have the other person comfortable. A little bit of fear/nervousness is perfectly reasonable - the stakes are high. Of course, if you can delay and not harm your chances while you prepare for your interview, either on your own or with professional help, so much the better. To cite the Nike slogan, take the risk, "just do it," I think you'll be happy with the result. At least you will know you tried your best!

Be authentically yourself. Establish rapport. Open doors by winning with words. Making Conversation can assist you to develop responses which are thought out ahead of time, not the "automatic” or “right" response, but your personal best answer. If you communicate effectively with confidence and ease, your answers will persuade the interviewer to become your advocate with the school. Making Conversation can assist you in showing your best self to the interviewer, so they become your advocate for admission.

Contact her at peggy@makingconversation.com or (760) 803-2641.